This post is for parents and caregivers who think their teen may be anxious and are not sure how to bring it up. You will get a plan for starting the conversation, words you can use, mistakes to avoid, and signs that it is time to involve a professional.
Start with what anxiety is and is not
Worry is a normal part of growing up. The CDC says fears and worries become a concern when they interfere with school, home, or play activities. Anxiety in teens does not always look like worry. It can look like irritability, anger, trouble sleeping, headaches, stomachaches, or avoiding things they used to do.
AACAP also notes that some anxious young people are quiet and eager to please. Their struggle is easy to miss. A teen who never causes trouble can still be carrying a lot.
Before you talk
Pick the setting
Face-to-face talks can feel like an interview. Side-by-side is easier. Try a drive, a walk, cooking, or a late-night chat when they are already relaxed. Skip the moments when they are upset, rushed, or about to leave for school.
Check your own state
If you are scared or frustrated, your teen will feel it. Take a few slow breaths first. Your goal for the first talk is small: learn what it is like for them. You do not need to fix anything yet.
Plan for a short conversation
Ten minutes is enough. A teen who feels trapped in a long talk will shut down. You can always return to it.
How to open the conversation
Start with something you have noticed, without blame. Then ask an open question.
- "I've noticed you've been staying up late and skipping lunch with friends. I'm wondering how things have felt lately."
- "You seem to have a lot on your plate. What has been the hardest part?"
- "I'm not here to fix anything. I want to understand."
Avoid "Why are you so anxious?" and "There's nothing to be afraid of." The first has no good answer. The second tells your teen their feelings are wrong.
What to do when they open up
- Listen first. Let them finish. Do not rush to solutions or stories about your own teen years.
- Reflect it back. "It sounds like the thought of presenting in class makes your stomach hurt." This shows you heard them.
- Validate the feeling, not the avoidance. You can say, "That sounds hard. I believe you." You do not have to agree that the school day should be skipped.
- Ask what would help. "Do you want me to listen, help you think it through, or sit with you?" Teens often know.
- Thank them. Telling a parent about fear takes courage.
What to try, and what to hold back on
When someone you love is scared, it is natural to step in. A parent might email the teacher so the teen does not have to speak up, or let them skip the party. In the short term, this brings relief. Over time, it can teach the teen that the fear is too big to face.
Instead, offer support and confidence together. For example, a parent might say, "I know reading aloud feels scary. I think you can handle it, and I'll be here after." Small, supported steps toward what they fear tend to work better than avoiding it. If the fear is large, a therapist can help plan those steps at a pace that works.
Some things to hold back on:
- Pushing them into the hardest situation all at once
- Repeating reassurance over and over ("Everything will be fine")
- Comparing them to siblings or friends
- Reacting with panic or anger to what they tell you
Signs it is time to get help
Consider a professional evaluation if you see any of these:
- Worry or fear that lasts for weeks and does not ease
- Avoiding school, friends, or activities they used to enjoy
- Changes in sleep or appetite, or frequent physical complaints with no clear cause
- Panic attacks
- Talk of hopelessness or self-harm. If this happens, call or text 988 right away.
The CDC says the first step is to talk with a health care provider. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common treatment for anxiety in young people. For younger children, involving parents is a key part of care.
What therapy for teens can look like at Eden Valley
At Eden Valley, the clinical program of Revolution Youth, Inc., our child and teen therapy offers a non-judgmental space for teens to talk openly and build coping skills. Therapists use approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and strength-based counseling. Our adolescent counseling page explains how goals are set with the teen and how caregivers stay informed. We also offer an anxiety treatment program, a one-on-one program of 8 to 16 weeks built on graded exposure.
For teens, privacy matters. Our therapists keep confidentiality while working with families, balancing a teen's privacy with parent involvement.
If you would like to talk with someone, call Eden Valley at (802) 333-0112 or use the contact page. Appointments are available in person at 95 College St, Burlington, VT, and by teletherapy.
This post is general information, not medical advice. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my teen has anxiety or is under stress?
Stress usually fades when the cause passes. Anxiety lasts, grows, or starts to interfere with school, sleep, or relationships. A licensed clinician can tell the difference.
What should I say if my teen won't talk to me?
Keep the door open without pressure. Try a short, low-key check-in side by side, and let them know you are available when they are ready. Some teens find it easier to talk to a therapist first.
Should I let my anxious teen skip things that scare them?
Occasional breaks are fine. Regular avoidance tends to keep anxiety going. A better approach is small, supported steps, ideally planned with a therapist.
Can anxiety in teens be treated?
Yes. CBT and related approaches are commonly used. A first step is to talk with a health care provider.
